Relationship Counselling

“Be Here Now” Exercise

This exercise below is a great technique to reconnect and soothe yourself . It does take a little practice to get the hang of it. Just try each stage for a minute at first .Accept your mind will hate this at first ! Start with low expectations and persevere.

1.Get comfortable. Close your eyes. Take a few breaths.

2.Take 5 minutes to scan your body. Put your attention first on your toes and then move up to your head. Notice how each part of your body feels. Notice your breathing without having to change it. Any aches and pains just notice them without having to change anything.

3. Take 5 minutes to notice your feelings. Do this by putting your attention on the sensations in your heart, solar plexus and stomach. Whatever sensations or feelings that arise affirm that they are there without having to change them.

4. Take 5 minutes to notice your thoughts. The idea is to observe the each thought without getting caught in it. It can help to imagine a blue sky and each time you have a thought, imagine one more white cloud adding into the sky. Affirm that all the thoughts are ok , no need to change them. If you do get lost in a thought, just come back to putting the thought into the sky.

5. Take 5 minutes to notice that you have a body where you can feel sensations, you have feelings, you have thoughts and whatever arises in them you can just allow to be there. Affirm that “there is nothing to do”.Breath into a deeper stiller place inside that feels most you.

6. Open your eyes. Notice what feels different.

This exercise is a great practice for having my choice over your emotions. If you discover that you can flip back and forth from being “in” your feelings/emotion to “observing your feelings /emotion” then you will more in control of yourself.

If we get caught in your emotions then we tend to react. If we don’t allow ourselves to be in our emotions we intellectualise. The skill of being flexible allows us to feel more without being overwhelmed.

If you connect to yourself it is easier to connect to your partner.