- What Makes Love Last?
- Cheating - Why do Men and Women Cheat?
- Relationship Counselling - Why it's a good idea
- Relationship Counselling - How To Communicate Better
- Change In Relationship Counselling
- All About Love
- Couple Intimacy Exercise
- Relationship Counselling - "Be here Now"
- Stuck Relationship Patterns
- Affairs and Betrayal
Couple Intimacy Exercise
Couple Intimacy Exercise
In my Outer Body, In My Inner Body..
This is a couple exercise to be done when you are both relaxed and in a good space to give some attention to each other. It's a structured exercise. What you learn from it you can take into your everyday commuication.
Here are the Steps.
Choose who is A (the one who starts) and who is B
Sit opposite facing each other. Hold hands. Take a moment to be together and relax.
The format is to use the following seed phrases:
A: In My Outer Body I’m Feeling ( limbs, back, shoulders, Neck)
A: In My Inner Body I’m Feeling ( stomach, solar plexus, heart area)
A: In My Mind I’m Thinking
A: And My Message To you is…
B: Responds after A: has finished:
B: What I receive from you is….
B: In My Outer Body I’m Feeling
B: In My Inner Body I’m Feeling
B: In My Mind I’m Thinking
B: And My Message To you is…
A: Responds after B: has finished:
A: What I receive from you is….
The above is one set. The usual format is to do 3 sets.
A – finishes with What I receive from you is…
How to Do It
- Start my saying the seed phrase, then pause to observe yourself and speak it out.
- In this exercise your outer body is your limbs, back, shoulders, neck. Your Inner body is your stomach, solar plexus and heart area.
- The idea is to just speak what the sensations are in these areas eg. numb,relaxed, tight, pains, aches, movement, warmth, cold, tingling or whatever words or images come to you.
- There is no set sequence of scanning you body you can do it in anq sequence or speak whatever you are noticing.
- As long as you follow the structure of going through Outer body sensations, Inner body senstations and feelings, thinking and message sent and received within that make it your own.
Here is an Example of What it looks like in practice
A:In my outer body I’m feeling…
I’m noticing my feet are cold, my body feels relaxed. I feel myself supported by the chair, My neck is a bit stiff, I’m feel your warm hands in mine – it’s nice
A:In my Inner body I’m feeling
(Pause to take time to notice)
My stomach is a bit tight here..there’s a sensation ..it moving…mmm don’t know what the feeling is. In my heart area a feel a bit tight, a slight ache...
A:In my mind I’m thinking…
I wondering what you are thinking ! I’m liking you listening to me. I’m feeling a bit self conscious
A: And my message to you is….
I’m glad to be doing this exercise with you…I like sharing with you
B: What I receive from you is ….you are enjoying doing this exercise with me..you like having the time to share what is going on with me. You are wondering what I am thinking. You body is mostly relaxed , you have a bit of ache in your heart area.
B: In my outer body I’m feeling
My back aches…I notice my heaviness in my eyes …I’m feeling tired…I feel warm your hands in mine..
B: In my inner body I’m feeling…
mmmm….lets see ..stomach feels calm..yes I feel calm…maybe a bit excited
B: In my mind I’m thinking
I’m liking that we are taking time to do this together
B: And my message to you is….
I love looking at you..
A: What I receive from you is that you love looking at me..
This is ritual. You need to give it your attention
- Follow the structure and avoid breakng into having a chat.
- Pace yourself - there is choice about what you want to share. Start with messages that you are comfortable in sharing and build from there.
- Allow time for your body to give you the information before replying. Notice subtle body sensations, be willing to be in the unknown and wait a little while to see what arises in you rather than let your mind give a quick answer. There is plenty of time. No rush. Your partner will wait for you.
- Try to be specific. Look a bit deeper than, "I'm fine. I feel good"
- If nothing comes after taking a look just say ..eg. I don’t know what my message is to you.
- Keep your responses short
- Listen carefully with attention to what you partner says and reflect back what they say when you do the ,"What I receive from you" stage. Try to connect to their experience. Avoid offering advice or opinions. You don't need to agree / disagree with them. You are showing that you have heard what they said.
- Do three rounds
- Keep the flow …skip a stage if you get stuck.
- Intimacy = "In-To-Me-See". Sharing what is going on inside you with your partner connects you to your experience and slows down your thinking.
- Connecting to your body provides a rich source of information contained in our feelings and body sensations.
- Taking time to notice what is going on in us and sharing it, plus being attentive to what is going on for our partner and mirroring back what we notice creates connection.
Hopefully that was fun and connecting ..what next ?
When you are with your partner be aware of your body sensations and what your body is telling you. Practice sharing your felt sense experience in the moment as you become aware of it.
- It’s so nice to be hugging you..in my body I’m feel warm inside
- I’m feeling tight in my stomach and a bit tense I'm angry about ..
- Oh when you do that , I feel myself relax and feel settle inside!
- I’m sensing ( receiving from you is) you are tired …
- When you .....I feel ......and I want to tell that ( my message to you is)...