Affairs and Betrayal

Submitted by Richard on Sun, 06/03/2012 - 07:39

Affairs cheating betrayal trust

Relationship Counselling Affairs

In this article I share my experience working as a relationship counsellor with couples where there has been a break of trust. I describe some common themes and how relationship counselling can help.

Controlling Men

Submitted by Richard on Tue, 05/29/2012 - 21:01

Controlling Behaviour

Depression In Relationships

Submitted by Richard on Sat, 05/26/2012 - 07:52

"Those who do not know how to weep with their
whole heart 

don't know how to laugh either."

This article argues that Prozac and it's equivalents sold under the
following brand names isn't necessarily the answer to mild depression.

Relationship Counselling for Boarding School Survivors

Submitted by Richard on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 16:36

man woman bubble

Boarding School Still Affects You Now

It might seem strange to be speaking of boarding school on a relationship counselling site. It’s worth considering that even though you may have attended a boarding school long ago the experience might still be having a huge impact on how you relate to your partner now.

Men..When You Mess-Up - Admitting It Is An Option

Submitted by Richard on Fri, 07/29/2011 - 01:45

man woman bubbleMen, it’s inevitable that at times you are going to mess up and get things wrong for your partner. Here are some pointers that I hope you find helpful from my couples counselling experience. There's a lot of good material here.

Couples Counselling using Emotionally Focused Therapy

Submitted by Richard on Thu, 07/28/2011 - 22:59

when we were first together you made me feel so specialIn this article: 

Discover how to relationship counselling can help you speak differently to each other.

Recognise the common themes that occur in arguments and see how emotionally focused therapy helps couples to speak authentically and work through difficulties.

Mens Mother Complex - Rape of the Heart

Submitted by Richard on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 09:57


This article describes a common relationship pattern where men have closed down their “ability to feel’ due to their early experience of their mothers and fathers. The origin of this pattern is the man as a boy filling his father’s role in an attempt meet his mother’s needs at the cost of his own. Emotionally he was asked for more than he could give. This impacts his ability to connect to his feelings in later life which is a condition affecting many men today.


Relationship Therapy for Step Families

Submitted by Richard on Thu, 04/29/2010 - 14:00

Step Families 

step families

If you have recently started a new relationship and you or your partner has children here are a few things to bear in mind about being in a step family:

  • There can be great hopes of forming a new harmonious family without appreciating the inevitable conflicts that step families bring.
  • There may be conflicts of loyalties between each partner wanting to bond with each other while having existing loyalties to their children.
  • The children are often given too much power by their parents in an attempt keep a loving bond.
  • The children  angry at one of their parents for the breakup of the original family and tend to show this by not getting on with the new step parent.
  • The children tend to test out their power and attempt to exploit any weakness or division between their parent and their partner.
  • The children from each of the step families can be rivalous for attention and feel displaced.
  •  Often the step parent has all the responsibility and yet none of the authority with the step children.
    The children may take time to accept the step parent as they tend to see the step parent as an impostor responsible for  breaking up the original family and may feel threatened that the step parent is displacing the role of the missing parent.

What helps in dealing with step family issues.

  • Realise that there are going to be conflicts of interest where it is impossible to please everyone. Sometimes "tough love" is required so the children realize that they don’t have the power to disrupt the relationship between you and your new partner. Accepting that not everyone is going to be happy with the decisions you make will prevent you from taking on the anger that comes from split families.
  • If you are the new step parent try to form your own relationship with the step kids where it is clear you are not attempting to replace the missing parent. Give the step children time to accept you rather than trying hard to get them to like you. A step parent needs to accept that they are on the outside of the
    relationship between their partner and their partner’s children.
  • As the new couple communicate the issues as they come up between you and prioritise taking care of what you need to nourish in your relationship. If you do this, the children will more quickly accept you are a couple and accept the new family setup.
  • If you are having difficulties consider relationship therapy

Infidelity: Surviving an affair in your relationship

Submitted by Richard on Tue, 03/09/2010 - 11:13


INFIDELITY is the ultimate betrayal – but it doesn’t have to lead to divorce. Here, relationships expert Richard Cole gives a step-by-step guide to saving your marriage – and deepening your love.

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